Digital Media Essay 1

Media is very central to my life. I rely on my various devices for comfort and for relaxation. I watch Netflix to relieve my anxieties and I believe it to be very important for my mental sanity to watch at least one episode of The Office each day—it is never just one. Presently, I live a majority of my life online: I visit Canvas and Blackboard multiple times each day, and like many people my age, I peruse my social media accounts more times per day than I would like to admit. I begin each day by scrolling through Instagram, Snapchat and Facebook and then I read the news on the Buzzfeed and CNN apps on my iPhone. I listen to Spotify throughout the day, including while I do work in the library, while I am in the shower, and when I am bored in my apartment.

I have found that media has both its advantages and disadvantages. I am able to acknowledge the benefits of my own experience with media, specifically, that it gives me the ability to keep in contact with family and friends who live in other cities and countries. However, I am aware of the devastatingly emotional toll it has on me, which is why I am more of a passive media user, an observer rather than a participant. I rarely post on Instagram or on Facebook, as I am aware of the anxiety it creates within me. Instagram has become competitive in many ways. In my social circle, I find that it is all about the amount of followers you have and the number of likes you receive on a post, rather than your content. The rare times I do post on Instagram, I find myself constantly refreshing the page and asking friends to comment and like. I see that social media brings out the worst in me—when I post, I am seeking validation that I do not seek in the other aspects of my life. It creates a monster within me that I fear, and, therefore, I try not to feed into it. I posted on Instagram the other night and I could not stop myself from reaching for my phone and constantly checking my likes and comments. I was aware of the effect it was having on me, but I could not turn off these emotions, without taking down the post. I was unable to participate in the conversation that was occurring around me because I was so consumed with Instagram. I was so concerned with getting to a certain amount of likes that I had to disable my phone to stop myself from looking at it. I wonder why social media has this effect on me—I believe that it brings out my most self-conscious, child-like self, desperate for attention and validation. I have my Facebook profile picture on a private setting, which restricts people from liking and commenting, because I fear that it won’t get any likes or comments.

I am aware that Instagram feeds are not representative of people’s true lives, but it can be difficult to realize that at times. In myself, I occasionally notice a jealous emotional response when I look at other people’s content. Looking at the feeds of fashion bloggers, who appear to have perfect lives, wearing designer clothing and traveling to beautiful locations, is fun, but it leaves me with a feeling of emptiness. On the one hand, I feel jealous of their lives, however, on the other, I recognize that my life will never be like theirs and that I do not want it to be because I know that their images on social media are not accurate portrayals of their real lives, only snapshots that they want the world to see. Instagram is a display of a highlight reel rather than of reality, a place where people only present their best selves, which can be harmful to others. Instagram has affected my relationship with some friends of mine. Some of my friends take liking and commenting on their pictures very seriously, so much so that it makes me look at them differently. I see this same behavior in myself, however, I do not act on it, nor do I get ostensibly angry when friends do not like or comment. Unlike some of my friends, I can realize that my friends’ lives do not revolve around my social media. These same friends who expect me to constantly refresh their pages are more prone to posting selfies and portraying their lives very differently on the internet than they are in real life. I try to be as real as I can on Instagram and post captions that I find humorous and honest. I do not take myself too seriously on Instagram, and rarely post selfies or solo-shots. I recognize a dichotomy in my feelings towards selfies—on the one hand, I believe they are a deeply narcissistic behavior, but on the other, I am jealous of the confidence of those who post. I mainly avoid Instagram because I recognize the absurdity that is condensing our entire lives into singular images on our feed. My feed is not representative of my daily life, only the small snippets that I choose to show to my followers.

I have grown increasingly dependent on my iPhone in recent years. Early on in the semester, I was without a phone for two weeks, and I became aware of how reliant I am on it. I realized how much I took for granted that came so easily to me with my phone. I began to use my computer for everything, which was not as easy as with my iPhone. I used an online website as an alarm clock, which disrupted my sleep as I would wake up every three hours worried that my computer had turned off and I would miss my alarm and first class. Without my phone, I was not as well-informed in terms of news and media. For example, I was completely unaware that Taylor Swift had released new music and was shamefully unaware of Hurricane Harvey’s progress into Texas.

I have been heavily influenced by media since I first immersed myself in it years ago, and that continues into present day. Media has served an enormous function in my life; it has the ability to comfort me in times of distress. Since I was young, I have always enjoyed escaping into the fantasy worlds presented to me on the screen and my iPhone.